Apa

Apa kau buat saat kau sedang marah dengan suami?

Aku lihat gambar ini. Aku pegang dada aku. Aku baca segala ayat penenang jiwa yang aku tahu.

Kalau aku marah sangat mungkin aku berair mata sangat teruk kala itu.

Lalu aku diam. Kerana aku tahu. Kata kata aku tika marah lebih berbaur racun dari segala. Diam. Tunggu. Diam lagi.

Nangis kalau kau mahu nangis.  Hambur kan kemarahan kau dengan air mata.

Nangis sampai habis. Sampai tiada sisa marah. Diam.

Hanya boleh berkata bila dah tak boleh keluar air mata. Kerana itu tanda. Aku baru mula waras. Dan mampu menghalau syaitan. Dari merasuk aku.

Allah. Kurangkanlah rasa amarah ku. Buangkan rasa sesal ku. Bangkit kan rasa syukur ku. Jangan kau izin aku lupa. Darjat seorang suami itu dimana 

BELUM REZEKI

Dear Dad,


i don't know to express this
but i'm kind of upset

when people keep asking
"bila nak kerja melaka"
"bila nak pindah melaka"

if only they can really fit into my shoes

i've been workingmy ass off even before married
finding job whole melaka
until now

it's tiring
every single week
drove back there after work

i'm almost broke every month
for fuel and toll expenses


i didn't mean to babbling here.

God knows how glad i am having greatest husband on earth
God know how happy i am having the most sporting husband in life


but
if only people out there can understand
we're having hard time here
please don't build up more wall in our way.

i'm down

1 YEAR AND COUNTING

Dear Dad,

it's been a year i'm married.
i've all kind of feeling throughout these day.
so many things i've learn.


can't really tell you
i want to
but i don't know how.


in nutshell,
for me
being a wife, it's inevitably in a middle of heaven and hell
menjadi isteri, seperti berada diantara pintu syurga dan neraka

i.e
any words you throw might please husband - syurga
any words you throw might hurt his feeling - neraka


nahhhh
that's just simple thought from me.

wish me luck dad

in becoming greatest wife for him.


i miss you.


Assalamualaikum.

How it happened

Dear dad,

I didn't have baby anymore
We can't make it
It happened so soon.

Let me tell you how

On 5th day warded
I've that instinct something gonna happen
Usually I didn't wore pad as nurse's asked me to.
But that night i did.

7pm. Visitors can't be in ward.
So my husband gotta back home.
I've already feel the pain.

750pm. Gonna pee n get wuduk
Then I have some blood clogged hand size out
I'm shaking.
I'm afraid
I'm crying and bring it to nurse.
They said it's ok.
I need to bed rest.
I still can smell it.
Fresh blood.

As Iying on my bed
I can feel those blood still keep flushing out.
15 minutes later, I shout to call nurse
I need to pee, I said
But I can't get up
I cramped.

She got me this pan to pee on.
I'm half squat.
As I started to pee
More blood clogged coming out
Bigger
Twice as i remember
They gave it to doctor for checking.

Few minutes later. 
One of those nurse said.
It's ok, u can try again
The baby already out.
Totally. 
That night.

I'm in my confinement now.
Hoping to get better
Dreaming better health
Trying hard to be better

Wish me luck dad

I love u

We'll gave u new clan once we ready then :)

Selesai

Dalam pantang
Semalam selesai berurut
Selepas tiga hari
Makcik yang urut tu sangat best
Semoga panjang umur makcik

Dalam tiga hari
Ada yang makcik tu cakap
Mula sentap
Sampai baru faham
Apa maksud sebenar dia

"berpantang ni lagi elok bersalin dari gugur. gugur takdo anak. bersalin takdo anak. Sakit eh samo yo"

"ado bezo pantang gugur ngan bersalin.  bersalin sakit2 tengok anak hilang truih sakit eh. gugur takdo anak sakit2 lagi sodih."

"orang tau cakap yo gugur yo bolum bersalin.  hakikat eh dio tak tau semangat camno ilang lopeh gugur tu"

"acik tau sobab acik duo kali raso gugur. sodih eh bukan kepalang.  saba yolah yo"

Bagaimana

Bagaimana
Seorang aku
Menerima takdir
Semudahnya dimata orang

Aku terima
Ini ujian
Dari Dia

Kalau aku harus tempuh
Bertahun lama
Berkali kecewa
Untuk seorang suami sebaik ini

Inikan pula dugaan Dia bagi
Untuk aku
Dapat membelai
Zuriat cinta kami

Al fatihah

Miscarriage

5 July 2017
2115 hours
Miscarriage
Hospital Alor Gajah
On Bed

"Disebalik sesuatu kejadian ada hikmah tersembunyi. Aku fikir tidak sama hikmah yang kita nampak. Kehilangan ini petunjuk. Tidak ada kuasa dan daya melebihi dariNya. Aku hanya hamba. Tumbuh Dia beri. Hilang Dia ganti. Kenapa mempersoal yang tidak aku ketahui. Sedangkan yang tidak diketahui itulah baik buatku. Terima kasih Ya Rabb atas rasa ini…" – nadiel yusof

Permudahkanlah

Allah

Redakanlah kerisauan kami
Redhakanlah kami atas ketentuanMu

Little us

Dear dad,

It's been 11 weeks.
U gonna have another grandchild.
But this time from me.
We call this rezeki as FKjr.

Selamat Hari Raya dad.

Much love from us.
FK

Hidup apa

Kau tahu kau tak senang dengan hidup kau bila setiap minit selepas bangun pagi kau mengeluh,  hampir menitis air mata.

Kehidupan apa ini
I need house that I can feel like home
Aku perlukan rumah yang aku boleh anggap seperti syurga dunia aku.

PJJ is hard

How hard is it?
So hard

5 days a week u're away
2 days a week u're together

That 2 days
2 damn fucking precious day
To do everything
EVERYTHING
Talk
Fight
Discuss
Yell to each other
Cry to each other
Tell every moment that u've done for the rest of 5 days not being together.

But who will understand?
No one
None
Nil

Sometimes not even your partner
Which including me

If for a normal relationship, 
assumption is a torn to any communication...

But for long distance relationship?
We may call assumption is like a poison.
U make any assumption bout your partner?
Trust me.
U're poisoning your relationship inch by inch

Now u know
How communication is top priority in any relationship.
U being silent,  u're dead
U making assumption, it's a check mate.
U'll see all those been jeopardise.